Breastfeeding Is Hard!! My Experience x2. The Cold Hard Truth…

It’s hard to believe that simply feeding your baby can be such a hot topic among moms. Also the pressure placed on Moms is unbelievable.

Breast is Best!

Fed is Best!

Formula is Best!

The never ending battle is on.

I follow a few Mom Vloggers on Youtube and one mom shared her experience breastfeeding on her channel. It got me thinking that if more mom’s shared their experience, how awesome would that be for new moms? So I felt I needed to share my story.

When I was pregnant with my first, I had a lot of pressure placed on me from my now ex-in laws to breastfeed. I was made to feel like they had all breastfed their babies, while washing cloth diapers in the river, in the middle of a snowstorm barefoot. So since I had a 1 year maternity leave, and nothing to do, I should have no issues. I mean breastfeeding is what all GOOD Moms do, I wanted to be a Good Mom right?!?

Honestly no one  had breastfed in my family. So I had no exposure to it growing up. So how hard could it really be?

OMG! It was hard! It was terrible. I hated it. What was suppose to be a close bonding experience quickly turned into a nightmare. I felt used.

Looking back now, I realize I was suffering from postpartum depression. I had a terrible, traumatizing induction, labour and delivery. Let’s be honest, considering that I got pregnant at 19 years old, and should have had a healthy pregnancy being so young, it was anything but healthy.  This all wore me down.

I mostly remember being alone during this time. I remember my baby needed to nurse so much, but because I was shy, I was often in a bedroom nursing. I desperately needed to be with people, yet I was locked away in a room with a child I felt was just using me.

This was affecting my bond to him. I didn’t want to hold him, he might want to nurse. I didn’t want him to keep using me. I really struggled sharing my body with someone like this.

After 3 weeks I had enough. I couldn’t do it anymore. I remember calling the public health nurse and asking her how to stop breastfeeding and switch to formula. I could tell she really did not want me to do this. She told me to replace one feeding with a bottle of formula for a week, then after that week replace another feeding. I told her that was going to take forever, she had no sympathy and said if I didn’t want to get mastitis(infection of the breast tissue) this is how it needed to be done.

I was beside myself, I couldn’t do that! I wanted this over now. So I called my doctor and he got me in for an appointment right away. I told him what was happening and what was suggested to me. He told me that wasn’t necessary and I could just switch one feeding nurse him, the next breastfeed him. After a day or two do 2 bottle feedings and one breastfeeding, then just stop. Following this advice I weaned him in a week.

My now ex-mother in law worked at the daycare centre in our local town, she slandered me to my friends who had children there. I was so selfish she told them. Implying that I was a bad mom, because you know GOOD Moms breastfeed. My family on the other hand completely supported my decision, so for that I was so grateful.

After all this I swore if I ever had another child I would not even try breastfeeding. I was going straight to formula.

Then a month shy of 7 years later I had my next child.

Over this time I had been exposed to more moms who breastfed their children. It actually started to become the norm. After some research my positions softened up on the subject. My oldest dealt with a lot of allergies and I wanted to do everything in my power to help my youngest to avoid this experience.

I made a deal with myself. I’d commit to it for 3 months. From what I read online after the first 3 months, typically breastfeeding becomes easier than bottle feeding.

The first few weeks were tough. My son was 5lbs 15oz at birth and 5lbs 8oz when we left the hospital. His mouth was so tiny that the newborn soothers I had brought for him were way too big for his tiny mouth. Luckily I made connections with this wonderful nurse’s aid, she snuck into the NICU and got Little Z a preemie size soother. But because his mouth was so tiny, it made getting a perfect latch difficult. So it was a bit painful to nurse for the first little while.

I think it was my second night home, I remember crying on the couch in our living room on the phone with the breastfeeding support line at 5am. My son had started breastfeeding at 10pm and at 5am was still nursing. He would not allow me to pull him away from the breast. When I had to stop to use the washroom he would scream until he was put back on the breast. As any mother knows he cry of a newborn rips at your soul. Finally he stopped and allowed me to put him down. I found out that this was quite normal as he was helping my milk come in.

However things were different this time around. While feeding him while we were out I no longer felt isolated. While I would leave the group and move to another room, I didn’t lock myself up in a room. I always allowed people to come sit with me and keep me company. I know I could have just nursed where I was, it was less distracting to be in a smaller group.

I remember one of hubby’s little cousin’s who was about 6 at the time asking to come with me when I went inside to feed the baby. I covered him up when we sat on the couch and started nursing while we talked. Then suddenly she asked me, so when are you going to feed the baby? She thought I was going to feed him with a bottle. I told her I was feeding him. “But how?” she asked. Just as she asked her mom came into the house. I told her I’m sure her mom would be happy to explain it to her. Her mom explained I was feeding the baby like cats feed their kittens with their body. That was enough of an explanation for her.

As expected nursing became easier and easier. The thought of the added hassle of washing bottles, buying formula, mixing formula, and actually having to get up in the middle of the night and mix a bottle first seemed like such a hassle. It was so much easier to reach over and feed him while we were still both half asleep.

3 months turned to 6 months. 6 months turned to 12 months. My ultimate goal was to nurse till he was 1 years old. Thing is when he turned 1 I could not image stopping. Then I read the World Health Organization(WHO) recommends that children be breastfed to 2 years old and beyond. So that became my new goal.

I want to recommend though that you are careful what you refer to nursing as with your child. I remember when my youngest was about 16 months my friend showed up to pick something up a few minutes after he had woken up. I was holding him at the door chatting with her and suddenly my son started tapping my breast calling and yelling “BOOB!!! BOOB!!BOOOOB!!!” He was not interested in our conversation, he was hungry and he was hungry now! So make sure you call nursing something your comfortable with your child screaming for in random places.

At around 17 months, nursing got hard again. My son started biting me. I’m not talking little nips, he drew blood. Everyone around me it was ok to quit. But I couldn’t, the boob was the answer to many problems.

  • You’re tired? Here’s a boob.
  • You’re hungry? Here’s a boob.
  • You fell and hurt yourself? He’s a boob.
  • You’re sad? Here’s a boob.
  • Something scared you? Here’s a boob
  • You’re grumpy? Here’s a boob.
  • You’re bored? Here’s a boob.
  • I want to sit down and I am tired of chasing you around. Here, have a boob.

I was not ready to give up something that made my life easier!

So I called the La Leche League Breastfeeding Support line. The coach who called me back was so helpful. She encouraged me so much. She told me how awesome it was I wanted to work this out even though my son was already past a year old. She gave me some great ideas, like dream feeding.

What is dream feeding? Dream feeding is when you feed your child when he or she is already asleep.

We figured that the bites were happening because he was now discovering his environment and got excited when something new came in in sight. He also was sensing my apprehension and anxiety and that is why the bites were continuing. So I started waiting till he was napping or asleep for the night and I would feed him then in the dark. Nursing was so second nature to him, he did it with ease. This allowed me to relax while nursing again, and my anxiety levels decreased. Eventually the biting completely stopped.

Then he was 2, and neither of us were ready to stop nursing yet. This was shocking to me, while I accepted that other moms breastfeed past 2, I never expected to be one of them. Each to there own, but I had felt at this point that is enough. I guess I didn’t really understand breastfeeding and the bond that it created.

We continued nursing till one night 2 months before his 3rd birthday I put him down to bed and he didn’t ask to nurse. When I sat down I realized that he didn’t ask and I forgot to offer. Then I thought about it more carefully and realized, he hadn’t asked in a long time, I was just offering.

Maybe he was ready to wean? I was so torn. Were we ready? I went straight to the local Facebook attachment parenting group I was part of at the time. I explained my story and asked for advice. The response was pretty much the same, they felt he was naturally weaning and I should accept that. There seems from others experience to be a sensitive window when they are willing to self wean. Other mothers talked about missing that window and now their children are 4 and not wanting to wean, and mom is done. It has become an ordeal for these little ones. Now I’m sure this is not the case for everyone, but I wanted this breastfeeding relationship to end well, so now was the time.

I honestly cannot believe the differences in my two experiences. Who knows though, if I ever were to have another child (WHICH I WON”T!! Just making that clear lol) it may not go as well as it did with Z. I have know babies to self wean at 6 months old, never able to latch, etc.

Do I feel guilty about formula feeding my oldest? Originally I did, But not anymore. It was what was best for us at the time. He was fed, he was held, he was cuddled. I held his bottle(then cup at 7 months old) for him till he started daycare at 11 months. I was a single working mom. I’m not sure I would have had the energy to nurse as long as I did as well. Maybe I could have. But like I said, I’m not ashamed.

Feel free to watch my youtube video on my experience, and share your experience, opinions and comments below.

Early Learning Mom Top 10 Blog Post Of 2015

Wow! How is it already the end of 2015. I feel like I was just writing my 2014 10 Top Blog Post a few months ago. In reality, it has been 12 months!!

Reflecting back to 2015, I want to take the time to thank all my readers for continuing to come around and read about my adventures with Little Z and Wes. I know I’m not always consistent with my updates, but I am so grateful for your patiences.

Here are this years Top 5 Post!

Light-Blue-Sky-with-Flat-Bells

#5 Preschool Prodigies eBook And Bells Review : This was such an awesome experience for Z and I. We had the chance to review Mr Rob’s music program. Little Z and I received a set of musical desk bells and since then we have been learning music and having fun!

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#4 New Years Goals/Bucket List : Well in my 2016 Bucket List Post, I confess that I did not do very well on this list in 2015. I managed to complete 8/52 challenges. However I have learned from my mistakes, and I have not given up. This year I have created a binder, which includes the list printed out, as well as charts to help me stay on track. 2016 is a whole new year and I plan on nailing it this year.

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#3 Toddler Tula Vs Ergo Carrier. My Experience with My Favorite Baby Carriers. : This post is actually a late 2014 post, but it still made the 2015 list due to popularity. I love babywearing! Babywearing kept me sane for the first 3 years of Little Z’s life. It’s how I was able to run my daycare, host birthday parties, and get through the newborn/infant/toddler stage. Sadly this year Z has decided he no long wants to be worn. So that is a stage in our life that is over now. While I did sell the ergo, I have both the Cuddly Wrap and the Tula, no babies are planned in the near future, however I’m not ready to give them up.

NACD Logo-Letters Only

#2 NACD With My Nine Year Old. Helping Your Child with Reading Comprehension. I wanted to cry the day my oldest said he “Hates reading.” As an avid reader, I could not comprehend how someone could actually hate to read. However, if you are not not understanding what you are reading, of course it is not going to be enjoyable. Currently we are on vacation from the NACD due to the awful Canadian dollar, however we still incorporate some of their programs into our day.

And my number 1 post of 2015 is:

TSI and TLP

#1 NACD Early Learning at 32 Months Old : This post received over two times the amount of views my #2 post received. I found the NACD really got me on the path to teaching my son in ways I had never thought of. While we are on vacation, I am still using a lot of strategies they have provided me. Rereading this post reminds me of a few others that I should be still working on. I am so excited to be able to get back on board with them again.

 

EarlyLearningMom.com Top 10 Posts of 2014

2014 has almost come to an end. For my family it was a great year. But I’m excited to see what 2015 will bring us. I thought I’d look back this year and see what the top 10 most popular post on Early Learning Mom were.

10) Toddler Tula Vs Ergo Carrier. My Experience with My Favorite Baby Carriers.

2014-10-21-2B19.13.38

#10 post of the year on Early Learning Mom was my post about babywearing. Which has helped keep me sane during 2012/2013/2014. I’m not sure what I would have done without it.

9) 9 Year old Piano Recital

Ok so post #9 was a little brag on Wes and his performance at the winter concert. This was a tough piece for him, but he did not give up.

8) Teach Your Baby to Read? Why You Should Do It? Here Are 4 Reasons Why You Should!

reading

#8 is a post about why you should teach your baby to read.

7) TouchMath for Homeschooler!! A Review

 

 

 

TouchPointPoster

 

Ok #7 is a post from 2013, but it still makes this years list because it was the 7th most popular post in 2014. This one I got to review the new homeschooling version of TouchMath.

 

6) Teach your Toddler with TouchMath

TOUCHMATHBLOG

 

This years #6 post was a fun one for me to write. In this one I shared how to modify the TouchMath kindergarten curriculum to teach your toddler.

5) Can TV Teach Your Young Child? Powerful tool, or Gateway Drug to TV addiction?

tv

 

#5 Post of 2014 was a post about using TV as a tool for teaching your young child.

4) BrillKids Learning System with Baby Z UPDATE

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#4 post of the year was a post about how we were using BrillKids software at the time.

3)Howie & Skip’s MonkiSee ABC Round Up

monkisee

 

The #3 post on EarlyLearningMom.com was my review on one of Howie & Skip’s Monki See videos.

2)Back to Afterschool

grade 4

 

The #2 most popular post this year was about Wes’s first week of school and our afterschool plans.

1) FarFaria Giveaway

farfaria1This years #1 post was a review/giveaway for an app called FarFaria.

Thank you so much to my readers. The last few months of 2014, I came back to my blog and got serious again, and my readers welcomed me with open arms. I have plenty of goals in place for 2015, so stay tune for a fun pack year at Early Learning Mom.

Have a safe and happy New Years Eve and all the best in 2015.

Toddler Tula Vs Ergo Carrier. My Experience with My Favorite Baby Carriers.

Testing out our new Toddler Tula

I love babywearing! Well I guess you can’t say I babywear any more, so I also LOVE toddler wearing. 

I reopened my home daycare when Little Z was 4 weeks old. I can’t imagine being able to care for a newborn, on top of a few toddlers without babywearing. 


I started babywearing back when Wes was a 4 month old. I had gotten myself a stretchy wrap called the “Peapod Creations CuddlyWrap” I have been told it is almost identical to the more popular Moby Wrap Baby Carrier. While this is an awesome wrap for small babies, Wes was not a small baby by any means of the words. Then winter came, and I never baby wore him again. 

Cuddlywrap while Hiking

This time around with Z, I wanted to make babywearing work. For the first 4 months of his life he lived in the Cuddly Wrap. He was born weighing in at only 5lbs 15oz, so it worked great for us. 

Chilling in the Cuddlywrap



Then I experimented with a few other structured carriers, until I was introduced to the Ergobaby Carrier. Honestly I thought I was in heaven! 

Napping in the Ergobaby

The reasons I loved the Ergobaby so much were:

  • Unlike the CuddlyWrap, it did not alway need to be tightened.
  • Easy to take off and on, which made it ideal for quick trips to the store. 
  • For the first 2 years of Little Z’s life it was super comfy!


Shopping in the Ergobaby
Then earlier this year, I started to notice a lot of people talking about this Tula Carriers. I didn’t get it. They looked so similar to the Ergo. Ok well except the prints were a lot cuter. But I didn’t get WHY people were so crazy about them. The Ergobaby was comfortable too and cheaper.

Then a month or so ago I noticed, I was not as comfortable wearing Little Z as I use to be. He hit that 25lbs mark and if I wore him longer than 10-15mins, my shoulders would start to hurt. 

I kept hearing about Toddler Tulas on our local Babywearing Facebook group. So while waiting for our Cranio Sacral appointment, which happens to be attached to our local cloth diaper/ baby carrier store, I tried on the sample and it was like HEAVEN! The only thing is he seemed to swim in it. Since the store was actually closed there was no one to ask. 

So I started to debate, maybe I should get a standard Tula. Well he is almost 2.5 years old, maybe I should stick to the toddler. I was just going to order the standard and someone suggested going back and trying on both when the store was open. 

So I went and tried the Standard Tula. It felt great to me too! But then the shop lady pointed out to me that Little Z’s legs were not sitting as M shaped as they should be. So I tried on the Toddler Tula and he looked so much more comfortable. Because of the wider base his legs were tucked in nicely in the M shape. 

Now that Little Z is sitting more ergonomically, baby wearing is more comfortable for him. But also, because he is in the proper position, he is more balanced, making him easier for me to wear. 

This last week I wore Z to go vote for our local Mayor elections, then woke him for a bit at a playdate(ok this one was to show my friend how awesome my Tula was LOL), and then I wore him at the YMCA after he ran on the track. 

It is like night and day! I’m sold on the Toddler Tula now. Even though the Ergo and the Toddler Tula are designed for up to 45lbs, and Little Z only weighs 25 lbs, I can’t imagine using the Ergo for much longer.